Transitions

My heart is so heavy with the situation at school. My students continue to amaze me. One of my parents wrote an email to the director of Elementary Education in our district and told her that I needed some sort of recognition for the work I have done with her son. I am humbled. The thing is, I don't see it as doing much. I have brought him consistency in a world where he has none. This is the little guy that was homeless over Christmas. I have loved him when he was out of control. I hold him until he calms down. I still love him. I love them all and that is the problem. I truly believe God is telling me that I must leave and apply for positions closer to home. I truly believe that because of my new qualifications, I will be transferred to another school that is even further away from home. For those of you who have lived in Colorado in the winter, this can be really tricky. The heaviness comes when I think of leaving these beautiful children. So many people have given up on them.

I had a meeting with my principal concerning the possibilities of me transferring to another school. I told her that if I could stay in my current position, at my current school, I would stay. She looked at me and said "start applying in your district". Well, that hit me like a wet blanket.

I got a call last week from my neighbor. She specifically called to make sure I was applying for positions in the district close to our home so that she could come and work for me. This was the second call of this nature in one weekend. I get it that I have options and that I am wanted in other places. I know I will succeed, but I just can't get past leaving the kiddos and families I currently serve. I saw an opening at Discovery Canyon, the school closest to where I live. I met every single requirement, except that I can't start until August. I know I will get a job somewhere else.

Most of you know that I am a Christian and truly believe in prayer. Believe me, I have been praying like crazy over this. Here is what has happened this week. I opened my devotional study book yesterday and it was talking about how God told the people to circle the walls of Jericho seven times and then stop. Just stop and let God be God. I realized that I have not been doing this. I circle those walls at least 100 times a day. I need to just circle a couple of times (fret over this) and then trust that God is God and things will be as they are truly supposed to be.

One of the people that I truly hope to meet when I get to heaven is Fred Rogers. Mister Rogers spoke to me as a child. I would like to think that it was partly his wisdom that led me to this career teaching these special children. I have often thought of the things he used to say on his show as I teach. I use some of his expressions. Last Friday night, I went grocery shopping after school. I can't resist the discount book bin. I looked in and there on top was a book that caught my eye. "Life's Journeys According to Mister Rogers - Things to Remember Along the Way". I opened it up and I started to cry, right there in the store. This is what it said on the page I opened to. "Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind." Enough said.

Decisions

This week was much better. Still busy, but I like it that way. I had an IEP meeting and our school was observed to receive our IB accreditation. I think we did just fine. My IEP meeting went smoothly. I used to really freak out about these meetings. They are legal documents and I am responsible for planning each child's educational and behavioral goals for the next year. Big responsibility. I make it and then present it to the parents. It's getting easier.

Something spectacular happened this week. One of my kiddos has been in a Spanish class, at school, for the last three years. He doesn't say very much. He has significantly progressed over the last couple of years. He is different and everyone knows it. He knows it. Last week, he was in his Spanish class and the teacher asked who would like to come to the front of the room and converse in Spanish with her puppet. My little guy never volunteers, but last week he did. The teacher called on him and expected him to just stand there or not say much. Instead, he had a full conversation with the puppet, in Spanish. The teacher couldn't believe it. The teacher cried tears of hope and amazement. The teacher emailed his Mom and thanked me for making such a difference in the life of these children. I am humbled that God chose me to teach these special little ones.

I am so torn. We have made progress. I have been blessed by these children. I feel like I built the barn to watch it burn, if the board is serious about closing my classroom. The district is 7 million dollars short next year. The state has cut budgets as never before. They say they don't want the children to suffer, but they will. We don't have enough money for the basics at our school. I am just sad that my classroom may be cut short or changed. I fear that the progress, in these students, will be cut short. I feel guilty looking for a job in another district, but unsure as to whether mine will be renewed, in my district, next year. Please pray for me and my students. We all face an uncertain future.

Work, work, work

I am sick because I worked too much, last week. I put in over 55 hours last week and I am just plain pooped. I am working in IEPs, going to board meetings about my job, I had a class, etc.. I knew last week was going to be bad, I just didn't know how bad. Now I am paying for it with a cold. I think the Lord is forcing me to slow down a bit.

There was a highlight that I want to mention. One of the parents of my students went to the school board meeting and specifically praised my program and class. I was proud as punch. The parent thanked me for all that I have done for their child. There. It's all worth it.

Happy day all.

Keep Going

Last week was one tough week. I knew it would be. I had no idea it would be quite as bad as it really was.

I will spare you with all the details, but basically, one of my paras is a big bully. She constantly complains about things and she is rough with my students. Rough meaning loud and not real loving. Sometimes, this works. Most of the time, it just doesn't . We are working with kids, not prisoners. She called me three times one evening. I was afraid to be alone with her after school because I thought she would berate and yell at me as she did one of my other paras. Yes, my principal is very involved. I love my principal. She is the very best and a great leader. She supports me all the way. I have spent so much time with her this last week. I can't just fire this para. It doesn't work that way. She needs to do something that is grossly negligent. I don't want to fire her. Well, yes I do, but I would like to help her gain some social skills. I teach children social skills. The problems is, she needs to be open to learning. Don't we all? Somehow, we have to get beyond the accusing, denying and get down to the learning. I would love to help her, but I don't know if it is possible. Please pray for the situation. It is driving me nuts, but I am hoping that some good will come out of it.

Now for the good stuff. I worked out three times last week. All of my students are at school, including the little guy that spent 6 days in foster care. Laura and I are doing better, thanks to a counselor. Becca is studying hard to prepare for "Battle of the Books". Tom is doing well at work. He got a special award for a project that he did. LIFE IS GOOD!!! GOD IS FAITHFUL!! I have to keep reminding myself of these truths and just keep going.

Love to all.

Getting over it.

I tell you, some days, I absolutely hate working with adult women. Bring on the kids. Bring on their disabilities. Just let me be with them, teach them, love them. Let me not have to supervise catty women.

The para I mentioned, confronted another para today. She then called me at home, wanting to rag on the para she confronted. I told her to take her problems to the principal. The principal is well aware of what is happening. I am done with the cat fighting. Just let me be a teacher.

On a much better topic. Becca passed her swimming test at the YMCA, last Sunday night. She was not supposed to be swimming in the lanes unless she had passed the test. The Life Guard saw her swim and said "take the test". She did and passed. No time to be nervous. I am so proud of her, but more importantly, she is proud of herself.

Take care all.

Just Plain Mad.

I am just plain mad tonight. I got a call from one of my paraprofessionals that said another one of my paraprofessionals was complaining about my program, publicly, in front of a bunch of other paras in the district. The complaining one is known to stir trouble. I was totally unaware of some of her accusations. She is just stirring trouble. She complained about our dress code at school (no jeans). She wants it taken to the head of SPED for the district, instead of talking to our principal about her concerns. The principal made the rule. Why didn't she talk to her? I just need to vent. I LOVE the kids, but I swear I hate being the supervisor of adults who refuse to grow up. It really got my dander up.

On another note, my Dad is not doing well. He is currently on a ventilator at a local hospital. He has fluid build up in his lungs. Currently, he is stable.

Please say a prayer for me and another for my Dad.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Hopes for 2010.

Well, tomorrow I am back to work. I miss my students.

This new year should be very interesting. I am thinking that my program will probably be no more, or look very different, so that means out to look for a new job, for me. I am hoping and working for weight loss this year. I am praying for more communication in our family. Laura and I have struggled lately, in this area. I am dreaming about better pay for Tom.

Most of all, I hope for peace. World peace, family peace, but most of all, peace within myself.

Happy New Year to all of you.