The last week of summer vacation.

Well, this is it.  My last week of vacation.  I am sad and a little excited in one.  I just signed up for a class next Tuesday.  I start school on Friday, August 10. 

This will be a crazy week as Tom and Laura will both have birthdays on Wednesday.  My Laura will turn 16 years old.  Wow, where in the world did the time go.  I am amazed at what a wonderful young woman she has become.  We have butted heads ALOT the last year, but I am faithful and I love her so much.  I think I will become smart again, to her, when she turns 20 or so.  She is about to embark on a very challenging academic year.  Our thoughts have now focused on college and her GPA.  Please pray for us.  There may be lots more butting of heads during the next couple of years.

I am so proud of Becca.  Yesterday, she made her first sewing project.  She made a pillowcase.  It is really cute and she wants to make Laura one for her birthday.  She also made a meal, with my help, for the first time.  I wonder if the lasagna tasted so good because it was Becca's first.

Have a great day everyone!!!

Saying goodbye to Joplin

On Saturday morning, we all got up early, made our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, one more time and headed for home.  It was still so very hot and we were so very tired.  It was a good tired.  It was the kind of tired that comes from working hard.  We knew we had done God's work.  I can't explain how good that feels.

The twelve hours home were long. There was a lot of time to reflect on the past week.  I thought about how I loved helping the people of Joplin.  I wondered if I am being called to the mission field some day. We shall see.

The kids in the van seemed somehow more mature than they did when we left. We were all quiet with our thoughts on the way home.  We were sad that the adventure was over.  We were happy to see our families waiting for us.  We gathered in a circle and held hands one last time.  We prayed over the people of Joplin and thanked God that we were home, safe. We will be forever changed for the better.

Well, we were almost done.  The leaders had some pranking to do.  We had saran wrapped all of the luggage. Something had to be done to get everyone back for the pranking we received.  Ha ha.

Today Tom and I went and got Becca from camp.  Her foot is still slightly swollen and she still needs to use her crutches from time to time.  She had a great time at camp, as always.  I am so glad to have my "bug" back home.  Laura will come home tomorrow from a weekend of LARPing.  My family will be complete once more.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I have lost 15 pounds!!! Yeah me!!!

TGIF in Joplin

The week in Joplin flew by and was sooo long, all at the same time.  By Friday, I was physically very tired.  It was still hot and still hard work.  We got up on Friday, ready for our last day of hard work.

We were again divided into groups.  One group helped a woman clean stored items from her home.  One group finished the landscaping at the house where we built the retaining wall.  My group, went to a home where we helped clear debris and haul dirt for landscaping. 

The home where I was assigned, was right by a railroad track.  It brought back memories of my childhood as we had a railroad track in our backyard.  Even now, when I am about to go to sleep, I hear the train passing by in the distance, near the Academy, and a flood of memories always come.  For me, there is something soothing about that lonesome sound of a train whistle.

Becca and I worked together as we cleared debris.  I was impressed at how hard Becca worked.  She got teased that she worked "like a boy". She went with a group to take the debris to the dump.  After clearing the debris from the bed of the truck, she jumped down and landed on a rake.  She sprained her left ankle, though we didn't find that out until we got home on Sunday.  She was a trooper and kept going. 

We finished working and headed back to the church. We then had to clean to get ready to go home.  I got kitchen duty.  That was a huge chore as 26 teenagers had made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day.  There was sticky stuff EVERYWHERE.  We finished cleaning and walked to a local restaurant for dinner.  This didn't help Becca's ankle, but she didn't complain. 

We got to the restaurant and it turned out to be a burger joint in a convenience store.  We basically bombarded them. My burger was forgotten and by the time I received it, I had a kiddo vomiting.  We did not have enough water during the day.  When the student got to the restaurant, he chugged 3 glasses of iced tea.  This was too much for his parched, over heated stomach.  I really didn't want my burger after that.

We were in the restaurant when a policeman came in.  He was patrolling the neighborhood and noticed that the window in the boys house was broken.  It had been broken since we arrived, but he thought perhaps someone had broken into the house.  It was funny as it was something right out of "Mayberry".  The neighbors knew someone, who knew someone, who called someone, who talked to the policeman.  We couldn't figure out how he knew we were at the restaurant. The policeman basically knew that there was no other place in town to go.

I took the kiddo, who was sick, to the air conditioned girl's house.  He curled up and slept for hours.  I think his body was just done.  I think all of our bodies were just done.  The rest of the group went up to the church for the final debriefing, but I stayed behind with my patient.  The pastor's wife, Dana, came to see me and check on my patient as she was an R.N.. The sick kiddo was fine, but I had the best conversation with Dana.

Dana and I talked about Carthage and she told me how there were many corporate headquarters located under the city.  After the Civil War, only two buildings were left. Quartz and rock were mined to make the buildings downtown.  That left a hole in the earth, so an underground corporate center was made.  There is everything down there, but it is very secure and you have to be "invited" to tour it.

Dana and I talked about our fire and their tornado.  We talked about how God is good through all. We talked about what it is like for her to live in such a small town.  She told me how she and her husband made the decision to move to a close knit, small town because they wanted to have the right values for their family.  She told me how she felt like she needed to know everyone in their church as everyone knew her.

The kids got back from the church, bags were packed and we all went to bed. We needed rest to get ready for the long trip home.

Joplin Thursday

Thursday was the hardest day, for me, by far.  Our small painting group was divided into one group that would finish the painting, now that the gentleman in the basement was gone, and one group would go with that same homeowner to her storage unit to clean up "tornado vomit" on her belongings.  I would lead the "vomit" group.  This meant I would take a college leader and 8 students or so to the owners storage unit across town. 

The homeowner came with us to the unit.  We were to take all of her belongings out of the unit and wipe it down. There were tiny bits of debris (tornado vomit) over most of her things. I learned so much about the affects of the storm.  She had to throw away all plastic containers as there was fear that asbestos was spread as homes were destroyed.  There was also a concern that nasty bacteria was spread as the hospital was destroyed.  She had to throw away cooking items that could not be properly cleaned. 

I was reminded of how precious little things are.  We opened a box and the homeowner cried as she discovered pictures of a loved one that had recently passed away.  We prayed over her and continued working.  I learned that the homeowner was an artist.  We laughed and she was embarrassed as we found a nude painting that she had done.  She told us the story behind almost every object.  Every object was a little piece of her life "before the storm". I talked with her throughout the day and I was impressed with how resilient we humans can be.

Not only was it an emotionally grueling day, it was also physically grueling.  It was over 105 degrees outside.  We were working on a black asphalt surface with no shade.  It literally felt like we were in an oven. Though we were beyond dirty an sweaty, we met the rest of our group at a local Baptist church where Samaritan's Purse fed us dinner.

The dinner at Samaritan's purse was amazing.  Not only were we hungry, but we had not eaten enough protein through the week.  This has to be fixed the next time we take a trip like this.  I dare say, that chicken was the best I had ever had.  It was wonderful to go eat somewhere and not have to cook for 34.

After dinner, we debriefed with the other two groups at the Samaritan's Purse dinner.  They were from Utah and another group from Colorado. I will never forget this little meeting.  It was there we were told about the "Butterfly People".  Around Joplin there are murals painted on some of the walls downtown.  Many of them contain butterflies.  This was asked about and the reply was amazing.  MANY of the children claimed to see "butterfly people" that protected them during the storm.  So many children saw them. I fully believe these "butterfly people" were angels.  You can read hundreds of stories about this if you put in "Joplin, tornado, butterfly people" on your browser. The story that impacted me the most was about a four year old little boy that was found in a chest freezer, alive, three days after the storm, miles away from where the storm hit.  When he was asked how he got in there he replied, "the man with wings put me in there". 

I missed our own debriefing on this night as I had a student who had had an allergic reaction to a bug bite.  I gave her Benadryl and it basically knocked her out.  I think she needed the rest, but I missed going to the church as I didn't want to leave her alone, in the house.  I stayed behind and did my own reflection. I thought about how Granny would not last much longer.  I thought about how surprising it was that she lasted this long. I thought about how proud she would be to know what God was doing in my life that week.

It turned out that the debriefing I missed was amazing.  One of our students accepted Christ and another shared his personal testimony. It was very moving and I think, one of the main reasons we came to Joplin.

Wednesday in Joplin

We girls got up later than we had planned.  The exact time we were to be up at the church for breakfast was unclear.  We were late, so we got locked out.  One of our girls started crying.  It was irritating, but they let us in and we continued on with breakfast and making lunches (peanut butter and jelly every day, even Saturday when we were on the road). 

We loaded the vans and our first stop was back at the house where we were finishing painting the garage.  When we got there, we were told we could not work there that day, as the fellow who lived in the basement was not welcome. Due to a concern for safety, we all went to the house where the retaining wall was being put in and landscaping done.  I met the folks who's daughter was hurt in their car, in the tornado.  They were so grateful to have us there.  We were praying about the father as he was having a hard time accepting so much work being done.  He felt that it was his responsibility. He eventually came out and talked with us.  Part of the learning process for these precious folks is that they have had to learn to accept help. I know that is a really tough one for me.

We stopped working around 1pm. That was about all the heat we could tolerate.  We went back to our sleeping quarters, grabbed our swim suites and found a local pool.  The water was freezing, but it felt so good in the heat.  We laughed and relaxed.  The pool had three diving boards. We cheered everyone on as they tried different stunts off the boards.

A group of us went back to the church, ahead of the others, and got dinner started.  We also made a cake for Manny and Kim as it was their second anniversary.  After dinner, we went upstairs and joined the First Christian Church youth group for their Wednesday night service.  It was fun to be with members of the church that was so graciously hosting us.

After the service, we went back to our houses for much needed rest.

Tuesday in Joplin

Tuesday morning was a bit tougher. The kids were tired and so were we.  It was complicated by the fact that the girls pranked the boys.  They took over 100 cups, filled with water, all over the porch of the boys house.  They then saran wrapped their whole front yard, using folding chairs and whatever else they could wrap.  They toilet papered the saran wrap.  They found out later that they had used all of our toilet paper in the girls house and had to do without. This girls got up at 2am to complete all of these shenanigans. It was all in good fun and everyone had a good laugh. I wish I had taken a picture to share.

After breakfast, we divided up. Some of us went back to the first house to paint and the rest of us went to the second house to work on the retaining wall and landscaping.  I was on the painting team. When we arrived at the house, we closed the garage door in hopes of helping to control the heat.  We searched for a fan that we could place in the basement doorway to bring up some cooler air.  When we went to the basement to look for the fan, we saw that someone was staying in the storm room.  The volunteer that was overseeing the construction of the house, Wilson, didn't believe us when we told him someone was down there.  There was no running water in the home and no lighting. Wilson went down to the basement and talked to the young man sleeping there.  The man in the basement was the son of the homeowners.  He told us about how he was waiting for his family to arrive home from a family trip.  He told us about working in the mines in Colorado.  It was great to talk to someone who knew the family we were helping.  The rest of the work day was spent painting the garage, including the ceiling.  Sheila and I had to constantly push and encourage the girls to work.  The heat was grueling and the work was hard, but we found that we were anxious to get the job done.  We were sad when we had to pack up, having just a couple more hours of work to do.

When we went back to our sleeping quarters, a group meeting was called.  We met out on the lawn in front of the houses.  We had gathered our things to take to the YMCA for showers. We were all looking forward to cleaning up.  When the meeting was called, the boys came out with shaving cream.  They creamed us well. They then dumped flour over us. The boys had retaliated. Thank goodness they did it on the way to the Y so that we could clean up.

After much needed showers, we went back to the church for dinner and devotions. We debriefed about the day. We talked about how tired, but blessed we all were. It was an earlier to bed night so that we could rest and get ready for another day of work.

On the Road Again

This morning, I am off to take Becca to camp.  This will be her third year at the small, beautiful camp in the mountains.  She is so excited and she said she can't wait to get into God's word. I love, love, love that kid.While in Joplin, she jumped down from the bed of a truck and landed on a rake.  Her ankle has been hurting her ever since.  I took her to Urgi Care yesterday.  They did an xray and, thank goodness, it is just a bad sprain.  The bad news is, she will do camp with crutches and a brace on her foot. It will be a long, long drive.  Another day of 6-8 hours on the road, but it's worth it.

I wanted to touch on Monday of last week, in Joplin.  We got up early and headed over to our job site.  Simply getting up and out is no simple task when you are a group of 35.  Everyone was fresh and excited. That became a little different as the week progressed, but on Monday we were all ready to "get er done". 

Once at the site, our leader discovered that the person who was arranging our work,  thought we were coming this week and not last week.  This presented a problem.  There was a scramble to find work. The house where we met had some simple jobs to do.  What was thought to take three or four hours only took us about and hour. We cleaned out the garage and picked up trash around the house.  We then took a tour of Joplin.  We saw how the high school was completely demolished.  We got our first taste of the devastation of this tornado.  We drove around the neighborhoods where there was a common spray painted message on the homes.  After the storm, the home owners spray painted the number of people inside and if they were alive. This was done so that emergency responders would know who to help first. We saw a grocery store that was completely leveled and we learned about the man inside who had stepped outside and had to be pulled back inside as the storm hit. 

We had lunch in a park and then went back to the site.  By this time, work had been arranged.  A group of girls, myself and the other female leader were assigned to stay at the house where we sanded dry wall and painted the inside of a garage.  The rest of our group went to another house where they did landscaping and began work on a retaining wall.  I can only speak for the group I was in, but I know the group that worked on the landscaping and wall were changed that day. 

As they worked a 14 year old girl, with a huge scar on her leg, passed out water and Popsicles. The heat was our biggest enemy.  It was never below 100 degrees while we worked and we never had rain.
The girl with the water shared her story. She and her family were in their car when the tornado came. They were sucked up in the beast. They were picked up and put down a half a mile away.  The windows of their car were blown out, but when they were set down, everyone was alive and unharmed except the girl. A piece of metal had lodged itself into her leg and it cut her leg to the bone. She is so very lucky her leg was not amputated.  All communication was down, so her parents could not call 911. They drove to the hospital only to discover that the hospital had been damaged and was not available.  They drove to another hospital to discover that it was full and not able to take any more patients.  They drove to a third hospital where she was seen, sent to ICU and spent the next month recovering. She is not bitter or hung up on this tragedy. Instead, she gave water and shared her story to our students.  She changed their lives through hers. She later told us that she had something to give us. When she heard about the fire in our city, she began collecting items for the fire fighters.  We left with several banana boxes filled with items for those who are fighting our fires. Yes, the work was very hard on this site, but God was alive and well in the lives of our students on this day.

As to my site, Sheila and I were able to motivate young women to work.  Really work. I learned how to sand sheet rock and I learned so much about painting. I connected with these girls and I think they connected with me. We were so tired from a job well done.

Our luxurious bathroom.

There used to be a house here.

Worn out kids. This was a lunch break.

My magnificent painting team.

A house we worked on.

Our team getting ready for work on the first day.

First day, first job.

We went back to the church where we prepared dinner. A group was taken about ten miles away to the local YMCA, for showers. When we gathered together for dinner, our students ate like they had never eaten before.  They had worked up an appetite like crazy.  We ate and then reflected on our day. We went to bed and prepared for yet another day of working and being blessed like crazy.

Joplin

This past week has been so full and God has moved me so deeply, I am not sure how to get my thoughts around it all.  I just know that I have been changed for the good.  When I have a large task, I always chunk it into smaller pieces.  I am thinking that is what I will do with this.

As you know, the week before we left, my "Granny" was not expected to make it until I got back home.  She did.  She is back in the nursing home under hospice care.  I am thinking that any day now, I will get a call to let us know that she has passed.  I will be going home to attend her funeral. I thought of her often and my thoughts naturally are of how blessed we have been to have her with us for 97 years.  I also think it is time for her to go home and be with the rest of her family.

I slept very little on Saturday night.  We just weren't ready to go and we had to finish packing.  Once the packing was done, I couldn't sleep and I wasn't feeling well.  We met at the church, prayed and we were on the road by 6:30.  Even though I was tired, we were excited to be going.  My prayer in this adventure was that God would reveal himself to me. I wanted to come back a better person, wife and mother. 

After a couple of rest stops in Kansas, we finally made it to Carthage, Missouri around 10:00 at night.  We were not allowed showers, but were told to go to bed and be ready for breakfast at 7:00 am the next morning.  We were hosted by the First Christian Church in Carthage.  We used their industrial kitchen and hall as an eating and gathering area.  This area was about a block away from where we stayed and had the only fully functioning toilets. The church owned houses where we were allowed to stay.  We girls had an air conditioned house that was built in the early 1900s.  They boys stayed next door in a not so air conditioned, not so big house.  The church had one showers for the girls and three showers in the men's room.  We all showered here once, but mostly we went about 10 miles away, to the YMCA, for showers. That first night, we were all so very tired from the drive.  We prayed over our trip and for each other. We poured ourselves into bed and prepared ourselves for the hardest work many of us have ever done.

Joplin

Becca and I head out tomorrow morning with our church youth group.  I am going as a parent leader and a nurse.  This has already been a journey for me.  I have such a dislike for fund raising.  I hate asking anybody for anything, much less money.  I am so grateful and I say "thank you" to any of you who contributed to our cause.  We are not aware of who contributed or how much the donations were.

I resisted going on this trip, in the beginning.  I didn't want my summer to be impacted and the thought of working in hot, buggy, muggy Missouri, really didn't sound like my idea of summer fun. I prayed about it and I really felt led to go.  Every step of the way, God has reassured me that he wants me to do this.  For me, this is about just doing what God is asking me to do.  This is not about me. This is about him. This is about trusting him and being a positive role model for 25 teens.

Granny has been put in Hospice.  She may pass away while I am there.  Laura and I have had the worst week ever. These are the things I will be thinking and praying about while I am there.  I would like peace concerning my "Granny". I need peace and discernment concerning Laura.  I am thinking that a week of work, reflection and prayer should help me in these areas.

We had our family information/going away dinner last night.  I have to say, I loved it.  I am so proud to be going with these people.  The kids crack me up.  I am amazed at their positive attitudes and willingness to work.  I KNOW I will get closer to each and every person on this trip.  I know that God is already fulfilling his purpose and showing me why I am going.

We will leave VERY early tomorrow morning and drive throughout the day.  We should arrive in Joplin tomorrow night.  I am so excited to see what God is doing and why he chose "me" to go on this trip.  Please pray for our safety both as we drive and as we work.  Please pray for our families as we are gone.  Most of all, pray that we are all able to be "Jesus with skin on".  

Until a week or so, TTFN.

Granny

Today my 97 year old grandmother was transferred to Hospice care.  She hasn't eaten in two weeks.  I know it won't be long now until she goes home.  Home where 2 out of her 3 children are waiting.  Home where her husband of 65 years and a husband she married when she was 85, await her (awkward?).  She is ready and I think in my heart of hearts, I am ready to let her go.  I will selfishly miss her.  In the last 6 months she left her home of 70 years and had to have full time care in a nursing home.  I think I began to say goodbye when she left her home.  The thing that impressed me the most is that when I called her about a month ago, she still remembered me, recognized my voice and told me that she loved me. 

I grew up with family strife.  I think my parents had to grow to love one another's in-laws.  Perhaps the idea that my mom "ran off" and married my dad did not get the relationship started in the right direction.  After my parents were married, I came along less than a year later. In the end, many many years later, my mother loves my Granny Day and I know that she will miss her. 

I would like to think that I am a better person because Granny was in my life.  She gave me a love for the garden and she taught me how to clean.  She is the one person in the world I see, when I look at myself in the mirror.  Big bosom's, big arms, nothing dainty, even the pattern in which my hair is greying, all from her.  I think my stubborn attitude came from her. So much of who I am came from her.  I only wish I could dance the Charleston like her.

I am going to call her, whether she knows me or not, and I am going to tell her that I love her and that it's alright to go home.  I want to tell her that she served us all well.  I want to tell her that I will see her again. She sang a song to me when I was little. I can hear her sing "Swing high, swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home".  I know her chariot awaits.

It's tough.

As I write this this evening, I am not sure what to say or how to say it.  I am struggling with my eldest teenager. Whatever I say to her, she disagrees.  If I like something, she automatically dislikes it.  She told me that I am the "last person on earth" she wants to be around.  It hurts. I am trying so hard to just suck it up and be the mature adult, but man oh man, it is not fun.  I keep thinking that someday, she will outgrow this stage.  I feel like we are in the terrible two's all over again.  It's hard not to take everything personally, since that's what I naturally do anyway.  I keep thinking that I have been too hard on her and the next minute I am kicking myself for not being hard enough. 

I love her. She is part of the very breath I take. When she was a newborn, I remember looking at her in her crib and thinking "Wow, I didn't know I could love someone or something so much".  I know she wants to spread her wings and in a couple of years, she will fly away.  Have I raised her in the right way? Will she ever speak to me again after she leaves? Does she want a mom at all?  Am I really as ignorant as she seems to think right now? Have I been a bad parent? Will she even miss me? Can she take care of herself?

Sorry about this being a whiny post.  I'm just struggling and trying to sort out my emotions.  Writing helps.

TTFN

Accountability

First of all, I have lost 13 pounds.  Yeah me!!!  Weight Watchers is working so far.

I woke up this morning in a "get er done" mode.  The family has to watch out for that because I tend to be bossy and I want things done.  We are in the throws of teenage laziness.  I ask for something to be done and I get the eyes rolled or the task never gets finished.  I have to be better about holding the girls accountable for their chores.  The big picture is, I have to not take their response personally and stick to my guns.  I am hoping that this will rub off on their school work too.  When they do a "half job" or don't do their best, it shows and it drives me nuts. Oh the joys of being a parent of teenagers.

As to my day, it will be filled with lots of work.  We are trying to get things ready for Becca and I to leave next week.  We are going to Joplin, Missouri for the week, with our church youth group, to work with Habitat for Humanity.  This seems a little strange when looking at all of the devastation here in our own town, but I think it will mean a lot to the people of Joplin to know that we truly know how they feel.

For now, I am off to "get er done".

Renaissance Fair

We had an awesome time at the Renaissance fair, yesterday.  It was the first family outing we have had since the fire.  It was great to get outside and enjoy the day.  There were lots of interesting things to see and people to look at.  The folks were a different lot and I didn't think the humor in the comedy shows was appropriate.  I can't say that I want to go again, but it was worth every smile across Laura and Becca's faces.  Laura was able to get some costume ideas for LARPing and Becca has decided that she wants to give it a try.  That just leaves me to be the only family member not involved in LARPing (Live Action Role Playing).  It just doesn't seem like my idea of "fun".  I suppose I will have my part in making their costumes.  Perhaps I will really enjoy a weekend to myself, once a month. 

Here are some pictures taken at the fair, yesterday.

The girls are beautiful, but I think Tom needs a hair cut.

I think I need one of these for when Becca refuses to clean her room.

Maybe Becca won't need a driver's license.

The Golf Club

Jan went to the Glen Eagle Golf Club today and found out that she could join at a very reasonable rate.  The new towne home is on the golf course, so tonight we ate at the club restaurant.  Jan said how she enjoys the view from her bedroom.  She likes being so close to the club.  She loves the neighborhood.  I think she is indeed at home. 

As to the Russell home, something very interesting happened today.  Laura had a "friend" over for the afternoon.  It was a male friend.  She says that he is just a "friend", but I tell you it freaked me out.  He was extremely nice and very polite.  I enjoyed talking with him.  He was just a delight.  He reminded me so much of Tom.  I keep thinking that this is only the beginning.

Becca's softball practice was cancelled again due to lightning and rain.  I don't even mind getting up and taking her for a make up practice, since we had wonderful rain. The weather will be in the seventies the next couple of day.  Hallelujah!!!!

Becca was again in The Gazette today.  Her heart was mentioned and her name was put with it.  She was so proud.  It was also used as a photo to promote a benefit concert for those who have lost their homes. Such is the life of the rich and famous.  Well, the famous anyway.

Going through the ashes.

Today we went back to Jan's and sifted through more of the ashes.  We found more dishes, much broken and melted glass, and lots and lots of unrecognizable, burned items.  When we got out of the car, we were met by two reporters from the Gazette.  They interviewed Becca and wanted to know all about the heart.  That heart is crazy popular.  Last night, it was presented as THE photo that moved the honored photographer the most.  I am so proud of her.

Yesterday was a bad day for me.  I was grumpy, Laura and I got on each other's nerves big time, and I just felt so out of sorts.  The girls went to Denver to visit Val and swim in her pool.  They went to Benihana's for dinner and watched fireworks.  That was good for them because I was in no way ready to celebrate anything.  I think the stress of the fire possibly invading our home is over and I subconsciously want it to be out of our lives.  Let's get on with life.  Most of the city is moving on.  Oh yeah, Jan can't .  Oh yeah, Jan doesn't have a home and her life will never be the same again.  Oh yeah, Shari, get over yourself.

My friend Jackie, from Bear Creek Elementary, came with us to sift through the rubble this morning.  It was great to see her.  She was happy to help as she felt that she needed to do something for others, as her home, in the same neighborhood as Jan's, was spared.

I don't want to neglect mentioning Jan.  She has been such a pillar of strength through all of this.  Reporters from NPR even said to her "You are so upbeat". She has been.  Today was different.  Today she was angry with the world, and I don't blame her one bit.  She was so angry, she couldn't answer any questions from the reporters.  She was so angry, she started digging and digging through the rubble with her bare hands.  She was so angry, she threw tons of metal pieces in a huge pile.  We passed her metal pieces so that she could throw them in the pile.  Each piece she hurled through the air was one more piece of her home she was coming to terms with. 

We had intended to be at the site all day.  I call it the site because it is no longer a home.  It is a site.  A site to see.  A war zone site. We only lasted until around 1:30.  Jan was ready to leave.  We let her call the shots and she stated that she was tired of rummaging through things only to find more and more items destroyed.  I was so glad to see her anger today.  She finally became angry at that horrible "fire monster".

As a nurse, I have taken courses on bereavement.  This is indeed a death.  A death of Jan's home and until today, she had not gone through the steps of grief.  I wondered when it would come.  It came today.  Again, we were there for her.  Again and again we will be there for her.

Here is Becca taking a break from digging through the ashes.

Becca's Heart

Becca's heart as it appeared all over the world yesterday via the Associated Press.

Becca's heart as it appeared in a special pull out section of "The Gazette" this morning.

I am one proud mama.  Becca made this heart, in the middle of Jan's driveway, as we were digging through the rubble of her home.  She asked me if she could make hearts for the neighbors, but I said "no" as I was afraid the police would think she was looting. 

Later in the day, or perhaps on Monday, a photographer drove by and took a picture of "Becca's Heart".  I saw it on Face Book and was so excited that her heart had caught some one's eye.  Tom contacted the photographer and told him the story of how the heart got there.  He then informed Tom that that photo was now owned by the Associated Press and was being distributed around the world.  We followed it as it was on the cover of papers from New Jersey to San Fransisco.  Folks are using it as their Face Book photos.  

We got up this morning to find that the photo was used, once again, as the cover of a special pull out section in the local paper.  I am now wishing that I had allowed her to make the hearts in each drive.

The thing about Becca is that her heart is truly that big.  She is my girl who loves all animals.  She will be highlighted  in an upcoming publicity piece by St. Francis Hospital because she asked that her friends bring toys for sick children, in the hospital, rather than give her gifts for her birthday. Yesterday, someone quoted scripture under the photo. I read "and the greatest of these is love". That is my Becca.  The greatest thing about her is "love" and now the whole world knows just how great she is.  Actually, the world just knows of her heart.  They don't even know the kid that made it.  I told her yesterday that if she is going to be known by anything in this world, how wonderful it is to be known by your giving and loving "heart".

Fire Day 11

I thought I would update my weight loss.  I have lost 10 pounds and it feels great.  So proud of myself and I feel so much better.

Laura and I are doing well.  I was so proud of how she helped through the fire and how the two of us didn't argue or get on each others nerves once.  I am so relieved to see that when push comes to shove, Laura has her priorities in order.  I love her so. 

As to the fire, it is 70% contained.  Tomorrow is July 4 and there is to be NO fireworks in Colorado Springs.  Not even sparklers.  I hope everyone complies. 

Jan is doing well. She is back to work today.  I think that might be good for her.  NPR contacted her again and requested photos from Stephen.  I might be famous.  Becca created a heart out of the bricks of Jan's house.  Someone from the Gazette found it and published a picture of it.  I guess, in a way, she if famous too.  We all feel famous.  The community outreach and support has been amazing. 

We are all tired and ready to move on.  I suppose this will be an ongoing story for a long time.  The fire isn't out yet, but we are moving on.  We are healing and we are strong.

Here are a few pics from yesterday, including Becca's heart.

Becca' heart.

Big Horn sheep have invaded Glen Eyrie, away from the fire.

Glen Eyrie sheep.

Beautiful grounds of Glen Eyrie AFTER the fire.

Sheep

Glen Eyrie Castle still standing.  Still beautiful.

Thank you fire fighters!!!

It's still here.  It's still beautiful. This is from Glen Eyrie.

Let the healing begin.

What a mixed bag of emotions today. We sifted through the rubble at what used to be Jan's house. I was amazed at how well Jan held up. She is so strong. We were amazed that some things (like Pyrex) held up. We laughed when we drove up and saw the firemen in Jan's drive. I just thought, "you are too late". It touched me as one of those firemen was the man that had to give the order to let her house go. He apologized and said "we just couldn't save it and I am so sorry". Those firefighters deserve so much more thanks than we can ever give them. Stephen has not been a part of our family for very long. We got in the car and he said "Hey I found a burned recipe on the ground. I took a picture of it.". If anybody knows anything about Tom and Jan's mom (Baba), it was that she was the best cook ever. She was famous for making a prize winning tomato relish. That recipe is not often given out and is a treasure to us all. It was in a cook book that was burned. Stephen read the ingredients from the picture and we all knew. It was Baba's most famous recipe. It survived out of all of the hundreds of recipes in the book. We cried as Jan wished to find just "one" Christmas ornament intact. We found two. Neighbors came together to talk about where they were when the "fire monster" came. Neighbors cried in each others arms. Most of all, I was so proud of "us" as a family. We were able to stand together, sift through rubble and remind each other that that big mound of rubble is just a bunch of "things". Things that you would hate to lose, but in the end, just things. The important thing is family and supporting each other. Tonight my house is quiet. Our Cadet has safely been returned back to the AFA. Jan, Stephen and the dogs are spending their first night in their new home. Now the healing begins.

· 

                                                             
                                   Laura and Becca digging through
                                          the rubble.

         Becca knocking where Jan's door used to be.

                                           Jan sifting through the rubble.

                                                           
                                                 Jan's back yard.

                                                       Jan's neighborhood.

                                              
                                              Items we found in the rubble.

                                             Tom sifting through the rubble.

Fire Day 9

Jan is in the townhouse, but the gas is off and pilot light on the hot water heater needs to be lit.  As I write this she is going back to Mountain Shadows to see if she can at least drive by her house.  Not so sure that will happen as there are still gas lines that need to be capped off.  Life is hard right now, but God is good.  She is one TOUGH lady and I admire her for that.  Today's weather is to be "iffy". It's hot and dry with no rain expected.  We MIGHT get rain on Wednesday. 

The only building saved on the Flying W. Ranch

The view from our neighborhood on Sunday, July 1.

I know life will never be the same.  In a way, that's good.  It has made us stronger.  It has taught me that you can lose everything, but as long as you have eacher other, it is enough. I am anxious to see how it has affected those majestic hills.  Will I ever see them so beautiful again?  Will they come back more beautiful because the pine beetle (that was destroying a lot of the trees) will be gone? It feels like we will always refer to our days as "before the fire" and "after the fire".  We will tell our grandchildren about the "big fire of 2012". Weird, but I know others that have gone before us have experienced much the same.  They were stronger for it and tried to teach us these life lessons.  Until it happens to you personally, you just can't fathom all of the devastation, the hurt, the loss, the love, the gratitude, the community and the reality of living through such a horrible thing.