Going through the ashes.

Today we went back to Jan's and sifted through more of the ashes.  We found more dishes, much broken and melted glass, and lots and lots of unrecognizable, burned items.  When we got out of the car, we were met by two reporters from the Gazette.  They interviewed Becca and wanted to know all about the heart.  That heart is crazy popular.  Last night, it was presented as THE photo that moved the honored photographer the most.  I am so proud of her.

Yesterday was a bad day for me.  I was grumpy, Laura and I got on each other's nerves big time, and I just felt so out of sorts.  The girls went to Denver to visit Val and swim in her pool.  They went to Benihana's for dinner and watched fireworks.  That was good for them because I was in no way ready to celebrate anything.  I think the stress of the fire possibly invading our home is over and I subconsciously want it to be out of our lives.  Let's get on with life.  Most of the city is moving on.  Oh yeah, Jan can't .  Oh yeah, Jan doesn't have a home and her life will never be the same again.  Oh yeah, Shari, get over yourself.

My friend Jackie, from Bear Creek Elementary, came with us to sift through the rubble this morning.  It was great to see her.  She was happy to help as she felt that she needed to do something for others, as her home, in the same neighborhood as Jan's, was spared.

I don't want to neglect mentioning Jan.  She has been such a pillar of strength through all of this.  Reporters from NPR even said to her "You are so upbeat". She has been.  Today was different.  Today she was angry with the world, and I don't blame her one bit.  She was so angry, she couldn't answer any questions from the reporters.  She was so angry, she started digging and digging through the rubble with her bare hands.  She was so angry, she threw tons of metal pieces in a huge pile.  We passed her metal pieces so that she could throw them in the pile.  Each piece she hurled through the air was one more piece of her home she was coming to terms with. 

We had intended to be at the site all day.  I call it the site because it is no longer a home.  It is a site.  A site to see.  A war zone site. We only lasted until around 1:30.  Jan was ready to leave.  We let her call the shots and she stated that she was tired of rummaging through things only to find more and more items destroyed.  I was so glad to see her anger today.  She finally became angry at that horrible "fire monster".

As a nurse, I have taken courses on bereavement.  This is indeed a death.  A death of Jan's home and until today, she had not gone through the steps of grief.  I wondered when it would come.  It came today.  Again, we were there for her.  Again and again we will be there for her.

Here is Becca taking a break from digging through the ashes.