It's tough.

As I write this this evening, I am not sure what to say or how to say it.  I am struggling with my eldest teenager. Whatever I say to her, she disagrees.  If I like something, she automatically dislikes it.  She told me that I am the "last person on earth" she wants to be around.  It hurts. I am trying so hard to just suck it up and be the mature adult, but man oh man, it is not fun.  I keep thinking that someday, she will outgrow this stage.  I feel like we are in the terrible two's all over again.  It's hard not to take everything personally, since that's what I naturally do anyway.  I keep thinking that I have been too hard on her and the next minute I am kicking myself for not being hard enough. 

I love her. She is part of the very breath I take. When she was a newborn, I remember looking at her in her crib and thinking "Wow, I didn't know I could love someone or something so much".  I know she wants to spread her wings and in a couple of years, she will fly away.  Have I raised her in the right way? Will she ever speak to me again after she leaves? Does she want a mom at all?  Am I really as ignorant as she seems to think right now? Have I been a bad parent? Will she even miss me? Can she take care of herself?

Sorry about this being a whiny post.  I'm just struggling and trying to sort out my emotions.  Writing helps.

TTFN