New Years Eve

Happy New Years Eve everyone. May the new year bring us closer together and may we all find happiness in the things that really matter.

Happy New Year's Eve Eve

The guests are gone. I did alright, but I am left with a mix of emotions. So glad that Tom and I have each other and that we are happily married. I am so thankful for my kids. I am thankful that we have a house to sleep in and food to eat. I am also thankful that my guests are gone and it's just us, again.

Last night, we had dinner with the Fishers. They came over for lasagna. I made a seafood Alfredo lasagna. It was really yummy. Lisa made a wonderful spinach/cheese lasagna. Good food and good friends. Doesn't get much better.

This afternoon, Deb and I are off to see the movie "It's Complicated". Tom, Doug and the girls are off to see "Avatar". It should be a lot of fun.

Happy day everyone.

Guests in the house.

We have a friend that just drops in from time to time. Such is the case, this morning. We picked her up, in Denver, last night. She really pushes buttons that I have a hard time with. I know that through her God is teaching me patience, humility, hospitality, and a whole lot of other things.

She is unemployed and recently divorced. My heart tells me to be kind, but my head wants to say, "if you weren't so lazy, these things wouldn't happen.". See, I do have a mean streak. I know that there are things in life that are out of our control and I don't know where I would be if I were in her shoes. She says she is going back to school in January. I think what I am supposed to do is, support her. Encourage her to do well in school. She is a little bit older than me, so I felt safe in saying that "at our age, you can still learn and have a whole new career". Please pray for me as I pray for her.

Well, I must go make breakfast for this house guest.

Happy day everyone.

School

As I write this, I am already counting the days until I go back to school. It's always this way after a break. I want to see my students, but I dread the stress it brings. I am trying to figure out a way to handle this a little better in the coming year.

As we head back, I know that there will be big changes coming, in my program. I started this site based program at our school. In case you don't know, I have a site based program for children who have Autism. It has been tough. I was asked to apply to be a para and I walked out of the interview, the teacher. I had two weeks to pass the Colorado PLACE exam and start the Teacher in Residency program. I passed and started school. I have had classes most Saturdays for two years. I made it and passed with As. The program has doubled in size. The children have made progress. I can't even get my head around all that I have learned. I can write an IEP with the best of them. I passed my certification exam last month and now I am getting ready for my last semester of school. It has been such a roller coaster ride. I am really tired, but it is the kind of tired that comes after you have worked really hard.

All of these good things have happened because I have trusted God with each and every step that I have taken. If I hadn't, there would have been absolutely no way I could have done it. I am now getting ready for another chapter to begin. I have been told, through rumors, that my program is going to be dissolved. I feel like I have built the barn to watch it burn. On the other hand, the school where I work is way out east and my commute is long. The district is not known to be the best and they tend to do things like dissolve programs when they are up and running. I don't really want to continue to work for this district, anyway. The problem is that I don't know how to let go of my kiddos and the paraprofessionals that work for me. The dissolving of the program is a very strong rumor. It might not be announced for sure until June. That way, the district won't have to deal with parents as much. That will be too late to look for another job in another district. I don't want my kids and families to think I have given up on them, yet I can't tell them what is happening with the district. It is so stressful. I am trying to take it one day at a time. I am getting my resume ready to apply for positions in two other school districts that are much closer to where I live.

This journey is the most rewarding and the most stressful time in my life. Please keep the prayers coming as there are days that that is what keeps me going.

My girls.

Laura and Becca are getting so mature. It makes me proud and sad all at the same time. I am left with questions like "Have I done all that I can to prepare them for the big world?". I know you can't turn back the clock, but I would love to spend just a day, back with them when they were little.

Becca is in fifth grade and she goes to school in District 49, with me. We have so enjoyed this time together. As I write this, the year is half over and I will dread next year when she is not with me anymore, during my commute to and from school. She is a beautiful girl. Still blond and still has big blue eyes. She is our "girlie girl". She loves anything pink and frilly. She loves to dress and she tells me when I am not wearing something that meets her standards. I am so proud of her as she is hard at work, preparing for "Battle of the Books". She made the team and has five books to read over winter break. She will start competing in the spring. The team competes against other schools, answering questions about books. Kind of a "Jeopardy", book version of the game for kids. She is really dedicated and we are so proud of her. She no longer wants to play the violin. I am a little sad, but I don't want to push. She has requested voice lessons starting in the spring. We are going to find a teacher up in our neck of the woods and we will see how it goes.

Laura is getting ready for high school. Where did the time go? She and I have had some communication issues, as of late. Teenagers are tough. I love her so much, but I often don't tell her in a way that she understands. I seem to embarrass her constantly. Please pray for our relationship. We are so proud of her. She is doing well academically without much of a push. That feels good. She is so gifted with singing and now she plays the guitar. She has taken guitar lessons for about six months and she is quite good. She was asked to sing in the praise band at church. She dropped band, last quarter. She has decided to sing in the choir and she has joined the drama class at school. I think she will do well. She continues to draw and is gifted in this area too. She submitted a letter and was accepted into the 3-D art class, at school. She is truly my "artsy" kid. She is not a "girlie girl" in the least. She will roll her eyes when she sees anything pink. Forget getting her to wear a dress. She is going on a mission trip through church, over Spring Break. She will be going to San Diego to do "Backyard Bible School" type stuff. I am so glad that she has held strong in her faith. It seems like yesterday when I was off on mission trips. They changed my life for the better.

TTFN

Lots to say.

I am so far behind in my writing, I don't know where to begin. I have decided to take it one day and one subject at a time, over time. I am recovering from all the mental stuff going on this year. I have been torn up and down and it has been so tough. I also know that God is good and that I have been given the strength to make it through. The next few posts may be a bit deep, but I think one of the reasons I have struggled, is because I haven't written in so long. I can't divulge all that has happened due to privacy obligations, but I know that I need to write it out and I know that the folks who read this are my nearest and dearest friends. I am on Facebook daily, but only a few know about this blog. I think this is where I truly spill my guts.

The first thing on my mind is me. I suppose that's where I will focus today. I am realizing that age is sinking in. I want to run from it as fast as I can. In doing that, I have changed my career, gone back to school (straight A's, got my certification, and only one more semester left), kept up with 10 private violin students, started working more than full time, maintained a family (as best I could), celebrated almost 23 years of marriage and have pretty much maintained sanity in the midst of it all. Pretty much. I realize that I have been unable to keep up with this post and my friends as much as I would have liked. Next year, in April, I will be done with my schooling. I want to concentrate on my friends and family. I realize that I have lost a bit of me and my friends in all the chaos.

In fearing the aging process, I have come to realize that it is inevitable and that it is not all that bad. My mind still runs with the young, actually a little better as I am more disciplined for studying. I realize that my career change is something that I was called, by God, to do. He has reminded me of this again and again. He didn't say it would be easy and believe me, it is not. He has been faithful in his promise to give me strength. My family and friends have been so faithful. This crazy time has reminded me of who my friends really are. Thanks to you all.

My health has been alright, but as this aging thing kicks in, I realize I have got to change some of my ways. I have joined the YMCA and I feel so good when I get the chance to go and work out. Becca enjoys going with me. I have made each member of our family commit to walking a 5k this year. Due to school, I was unable to keep up with my running as all the races were on Saturdays and I had class. After April, that will change and we can go do some races together. Carol has been a blessing to me as we still walk together, at 5:30 am, twice per week. Not so much lately as the weather is REALLY cold. We are talking negative digits in the mornings. I need to make more time for "me" to get fit physically as well as emotionally. It just helps. Jen, you have kept me motivated. I still think that if you can run multiple marathons with twin boys and a baby girl, I should be able to get my boodie out there and exercise.

I have come to know that there is peace in aging. I don't worry so much about what others think. I WANT to do what is right, most of the time. I realize that in each of us there is inner beauty. I am at peace knowing that it's not the money that matters. You MUST do what you are called to do in order to have peace (though more money for teachers would be awesome). I realize that the little things are the BIG things.

I know that aging is inevitable. We all know what the alternative is and that is definitely worse. My grandma is 95 years old. I talk to her weekly. She tells me that she is ready to go home. She says that she has lived long enough. I haven't. There are still things I want to do. I wonder how long you have to live to come to the place where this world is enough. When you are at peace with death. I don't think of myself as old when I speak with my "Granny". I feel very young as she tells me that I have a lot of living left to do. She is right.

TTFN

Sorry for the delay.

In the last two days, I have had as many people ask about my status as I have not blogged in a couple of MONTHS. So sorry. Life has indeed gotten hectic. I will try to be better. I have to say that you all have made me feel loved just knowing that you check my blog to check on us. Thank you.

Let's see, in mid October, we took a few days and went to Estes Park with the girls. We had a great time. We visited the Stanley Hotel and we spent a couple of days at Rocky Mountain National Park. For those of you who are not from Colorado, October is Elk mating season. We went to see and hear the Elk. We were not disappointed. We heard their peculiar call and we saw a ton of them. The park is just plain gorgeous. Good family times.

During all of this time, I have continued going to school on the weekends. I have finished yet another semester. One more to go and then I am done. I found out today that I passed my teacher certification exam and am now a real deal, board certified teacher. I still can't believe how my life has changed. Twenty years ago, I had no idea that I would be a teacher. This has truly been a God given journey.

In November, Laura was selected to sing in the praise and worship band at church. We are really proud of her. We just wish she would sing for us. She has decided to drop band and join choir next semester. Finally, I have been telling her to join choir for the last two years.

Becca is finishing fifth grade at Meridian Ranch Elementary School, with me. I am enjoying her so much. We love our 30 minute commute through the countryside, to school. She loves the horses, cows and we say hello to the llamas every morning. We dream about living in Black Forest as we drive through it every day. I have really enjoyed spending this precious time with my precious daughter. I will really miss her next year, or maybe not.

I was told about a month ago that my program for children with Autism, may be dissolved next year. No worries. I am looking forward to applying for positions in District 20 or 38, next year.

Tom has been so supportive through all of this craziness. He remains my rock. He is my biggest fan and I don't know what I would do without him. He has been busy with work and picking up the slack for me.

My sister, Jenny is back home with my parents. She is about to take her exam to sell insurance. We are all praying that this will be her chance to get her life back together. My Dad continues to go up and down. In October, he had his gall bladder removed. He just got out of the hospital from have a skin cancer removed.

Tammie and Daniel are just fine. Thanks to Facebook, I talk to them daily.

If any of you are on Facebook, I usually check in daily.

Thanks again for all of your support and concern. I will try to check in more often.

TTFN