Lots to say.

I am so far behind in my writing, I don't know where to begin. I have decided to take it one day and one subject at a time, over time. I am recovering from all the mental stuff going on this year. I have been torn up and down and it has been so tough. I also know that God is good and that I have been given the strength to make it through. The next few posts may be a bit deep, but I think one of the reasons I have struggled, is because I haven't written in so long. I can't divulge all that has happened due to privacy obligations, but I know that I need to write it out and I know that the folks who read this are my nearest and dearest friends. I am on Facebook daily, but only a few know about this blog. I think this is where I truly spill my guts.

The first thing on my mind is me. I suppose that's where I will focus today. I am realizing that age is sinking in. I want to run from it as fast as I can. In doing that, I have changed my career, gone back to school (straight A's, got my certification, and only one more semester left), kept up with 10 private violin students, started working more than full time, maintained a family (as best I could), celebrated almost 23 years of marriage and have pretty much maintained sanity in the midst of it all. Pretty much. I realize that I have been unable to keep up with this post and my friends as much as I would have liked. Next year, in April, I will be done with my schooling. I want to concentrate on my friends and family. I realize that I have lost a bit of me and my friends in all the chaos.

In fearing the aging process, I have come to realize that it is inevitable and that it is not all that bad. My mind still runs with the young, actually a little better as I am more disciplined for studying. I realize that my career change is something that I was called, by God, to do. He has reminded me of this again and again. He didn't say it would be easy and believe me, it is not. He has been faithful in his promise to give me strength. My family and friends have been so faithful. This crazy time has reminded me of who my friends really are. Thanks to you all.

My health has been alright, but as this aging thing kicks in, I realize I have got to change some of my ways. I have joined the YMCA and I feel so good when I get the chance to go and work out. Becca enjoys going with me. I have made each member of our family commit to walking a 5k this year. Due to school, I was unable to keep up with my running as all the races were on Saturdays and I had class. After April, that will change and we can go do some races together. Carol has been a blessing to me as we still walk together, at 5:30 am, twice per week. Not so much lately as the weather is REALLY cold. We are talking negative digits in the mornings. I need to make more time for "me" to get fit physically as well as emotionally. It just helps. Jen, you have kept me motivated. I still think that if you can run multiple marathons with twin boys and a baby girl, I should be able to get my boodie out there and exercise.

I have come to know that there is peace in aging. I don't worry so much about what others think. I WANT to do what is right, most of the time. I realize that in each of us there is inner beauty. I am at peace knowing that it's not the money that matters. You MUST do what you are called to do in order to have peace (though more money for teachers would be awesome). I realize that the little things are the BIG things.

I know that aging is inevitable. We all know what the alternative is and that is definitely worse. My grandma is 95 years old. I talk to her weekly. She tells me that she is ready to go home. She says that she has lived long enough. I haven't. There are still things I want to do. I wonder how long you have to live to come to the place where this world is enough. When you are at peace with death. I don't think of myself as old when I speak with my "Granny". I feel very young as she tells me that I have a lot of living left to do. She is right.

TTFN