Teacher of the Year

I have been thinking about what I want to say in this post.  It's crazy really.  I was selected, out of all the teachers at ATE, to be their "Teacher of the Year". I still can't believe it. They chose ME. I struggle so much with a poor sense of self. There are honestly "better" teachers than me. I can tell you that I work waaay beyond 40 hours per week. I can tell you I love my job. I can tell you that I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I know that God has called me to this profession.

Over the last week I have had to write my "Philosophy of Education" and update my resume. I have had to analyze, deeply, why I teach. I have been forced to give myself credit for things that I do, just because I love my students. A long time ago, I wanted to leave nursing and I couldn't find my career path. I heard a speaker say "Do what you love and the rest will follow.".  I will never be rich with money, in my teaching career, but this week I have been rich indeed. I am doing what I love and the rest is following.

Within the next few weeks, I will be interviewed by a panel of administrators to determine if I will be selected to represent our school district at the state level.  I have absolutely no idea if this will happen for me. If it does, fine.  If it doesn't, that's alright too. I can only hope to represent my school and my profession well.

TTFN

The Internet Man

In the last couple of weeks, my mom has had to leave her home and move to Sarasota to be near my other siblings.  I am happy for her, but I wasn't ready for the feelings all of this incurred. On top of it all, she started talking to a male friend on the internet.

It hit me once again that my Dad is gone. I want my mom to be happy but what if she hooks up with a nut?  What if that nut has children and we have to share her with them? Crazy I know, but it hurt a bit. Gotta get over it.

As it turns out, the internet friend was a nut. He told her how rich he was and how special to him she was and then promptly asked her for money. When she said no to him he told her how hurt he was. Just a nut I tell ya. She ended their chats and I was glad. Sort of. I felt sad that my mom didn't have the joy in her voice that had not appeared since my father died. She reminded me of a teenager in love.  Just as I would hate for my girls to be hurt, I hated it for my mom.

I was glad to have had the opportunity to say goodbye to Daddy in yet another way. Mom is moving on and so must I.  She no longer lives where I saw Daddy last. The next time I see her, she may have a boyfriend. Why am I so happy and so sad all at once?

I hope that my mom meets someone special that loves her and that will keep her company. I hope that I can open my heart and mind enough to let that person do these things for her. I pray that I don't get in the way of her happiness.

I Love You Mrs. Russell

So much has happened since I last sat down to write, that I have decided to divide my thoughts into several posts.  I use this as a journal for my thoughts, so sorry to any reader who finds this lengthy.

In the fall, I got a kindergarten student who was a true handful.  Teachers had warned me that he would be tough. He was so very academically low and it was tough to get  into academics when his behavior was so challenging.  Still, I thought this little guy was so darned cute and I thought I could help him.  We worked and worked every day.  I reviewed letters and their sounds.  His regular teacher did the same.  He just wasn't showing the progress that I would have liked. Christmas break came and went.  We started again in January, but something changed.  I began to see some progress.  His behaviors got better.  We still had a long way to go and we still had poor behavior days, but I began to see a glimmer of hope. 

One day, we were having our kindergarten lesson time, and he began rubbing my arm.  I am the type of teacher that wants to allow my students to hug me when they need to, but I do work in a public school and "personal space" must be enforced.  I could also see him trying to rub on a fellow students arm and suffering for it. I asked him to stop. 

About a week later, we had his annual meeting with his parents. I was so proud of him and was so excited to tell his parents about his progress.  I was also curious about what happened over the holiday break that caused him to turn around.  When I asked the parents they said "nothing happened except that you all came back to school after break". They then told us his story.  I cannot divulge all of that here, but let me tell you, that little guy has suffered more in his short life than some do in a whole life time.  His parents told us that he was testing us to see if we would indeed show back up to school, for him. He needed to know that we were there for him. 

I told his mother about him rubbing my arm and how I wasn't sure if I should allow him to do that. She told me that that is his way of showing affection and trust. She asked me to "please" let him rub my arm. He needs to know that he can trust us and that we trust him.

That afternoon, the kindergarten group met again.  He was there, but seated across the table from me. Not far into the lesson, he reached across the table and rubbed my arm.  I asked him why he did this.  He looked at me straight in the eyes and said "because I love  you Mrs. Russell". 

This little fella is doing great and has become one of the highest achieving students in my group.  I am once again reminded that teaching academics is such a small fraction of what I do. There is so much more to the little ones I see.  They are a whole package and I am privileged to open it and get a glimpse of the precious gift that lays inside.