It's Gotta Get Better

This week has been absolutely crazy.  I have had two workshops in the course of a week and I feel soo behind in getting my students assessed and put into their proper groups.  I worked until 9:00 last night and 6:00 tonight.  Considering I only work a half day on Fridays, this week has involved way too much work.  I struggle with balancing my work and my family.  I always feel guilty about spending too much time with either.  I am hoping to regroup this weekend. Tomorrow I will run the Dirty Dog Mud Run. That should be just what I need to get me out of this funk.

I have definitely been in a funk.  It's been so stressed with school starting activities, but it seems as if this catastrophic summer will never end.

On Wednesday, I got a Face Book message from a friend of mine from high school.  Michelle Rocker was our base player. She was simply a part of my circle of friends that I have held dear for a long time.  When my dad died, she just "showed up" at his funeral.  I hadn't seen her in over 25 years.  She was there and I so appreciated her.  Michelle was diagnosed several years ago with breast cancer.  She was treated with chemotherapy and went into remission.  Shortly after my dad died, she told me that the cancer was back and that coming to Colorado to visit me was on her bucket list.  Bucket list. Things she wanted to do before she died.  I was still hopeful, but I kept closer in touch with her on Face book.  I invited and wished for her to come visit.  I thought about where in the world I would take someone on their "bucket list" trip.  She was always quick to remind me that I was a true friend, or a beautiful person.  She quietly watched my life via the computer. I saw that her hair had fallen out once again.  It still never registered that Michelle, my beautiful friend, could actually die.  On Wednesday, I checked Face book and there was a message from Michelle.  She told me goodbye.  She said that she had only days left. She said that she was going home to be with her lord.  I just sat and cried.  Then I called Janice to tell her that our lifelong friend was passing away.

I have thought about Michelle so much since then. I was wondering what it must be like to know you are about to die. How can you say goodbye? How can you get ready for such a huge trip? Are you scared? Is she in pain? Is she so drugged with pain medications that she really doesn't know what is happening? Is she gone? Did she know how much I appreciated her? She never made it here for her bucket list. Did she make it to Colorado via my pictures? Is she alright? Will she say hello to my Daddy and Granny? Did she get her hair back in heaven? Is it still a beautiful strawberry blond color? So much to think about in this tired brain.

Thursday did not prove to be much better.  You see, Thursday was the anniversary of my dad's death.  I don't think August 30th will ever come again, when I don't think of him. I was teary all day. I wasn't sure if I was just tired or depressed about the loss of my dad and my friend.   I am pretty sure it was a combination of all of the above.  Daniel, my brother, shared a few photos of my dad that I have come to love.  These photos were taken when he was a child and when he was a teenager.  I noticed how happy he appears. I wonder if that handsome smile is on his face now.

As you can imagine, Thursday was tough!!!  I had no idea that it would get even tougher.  I got a call from Amelia's mother.  She is my sweet sweet student and her family has become dear friends to us.  I love that family and I love my special little friend.  Her mother called me at school to tell me that she has two tumors in her brain.  For the second time in as many days, I sat and wept. 

I wish I could say that there is a silver lining to this post.  I just can't find one today.  One thing I do know is that "Life is hard, but God is good". I am trusting him. I am praying that Michelle makes it safely home with as little pain as possible.  I know my Daddy is in a better place, even if I miss him a bit more on August 30th.  I WILL continue to be with my Amelia and help her in any way I can.  I pray for healing for her.  I pray that her daily shots don't hurt too much.  I pray that her parents feel God's presence and KNOW that he is in control. I pray that as I run that 5k tomorrow, I find a lot to smile about. After all, who could be sad when running in mud?

Happenings

Last week proved to be crazy busy as I am testing and placing my students in their proper reading groups.  I worked and worked and I am still not done.  I am off to a writing training tomorrow, so some of the work will have to wait until Tuesday.  I am trying to remind myself to pace myself and be kind to me.  I was offered an opportunity to work another half day.  I now have Friday afternoons off.  My paycheck will definitely be a little nicer to us. 

Becca didn't make the softball team, but she is plugging along and doing quite well in orchestra.  Laura is frantically getting ready for her Little Shop of Horrors production.  It helps that Laura can now drive herself to all of the rehearsals.  Tom is getting ready for the big move to a new place for our church.  He is the tech. lead for our church and lots of sound equipment has to be hooked up and readied.  As for me, I am trying to keep things going at home and at school.

This week could prove to be a hard one.  On August 30th, my daddy will be gone for one year.  I suppose it is a celebration of sorts as I KNOW where he is and that he is forever home.  I also KNOW that I will see him again.  I also KNOW that I miss him.  I keep thinking of him.  The way he laughed.  The sound of his voice.  The little things that used to annoy me, but now, I would give anything to have him annoy me just one more time. I selfishly miss him.

 TTFN

Lots to Think About.

My thoughts are so very full today.  Lots and lots to think about.

School has started and my thoughts have been in a whirl ever since.  So many meetings and so many things to get organized. I love my job, once all this beginning stuff is done.

I think that every teacher has a student that he/she connects with.  I did this with a former student, at a former school. I talk to her and her family almost weekly.  Last week I learned that she may have a brain tumor.  On Friday, I had a good cry and then went over to see her.  She doesn't fully understand the impact of what is happening, but that doesn't make it any easier for her parents.  I love this child and I love her family.  Please keep her in your prayers.

Last night, my nephew, Josh, left for Afghanistan.  He is a mechanic in the Marines.  I still remember the day his momma called me to tell me that he was born.  I can't believe that little boy is grown and is a soldier. I pray that he returns to us in 7 months, safe and sound.

Last Saturday, Tom and I finally celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.  We had an awesome time on an inflatable kayak trip down the Rio Grande River.  I kept thinking about how that river was much like our marriage.  We had to maneuver a lot of rocks.  Some of the rough waters were actually fun when we figured out how to work together. The still waters were deep, but we were able to rest from rowing and just let the river carry us. Here are some pictures from our adventures on the river.

We had so much fun. I hope we don't wait another 25 years to go again.

A New School Year.

I have promised myself that I would keep up with the blog throughout the coming year.  I won't be able to blog as often during the school year, but I don't want to forget some of the wonderful things and not so wonderful things that happen.

To start the year off on a real positive note, I have lost 20 pounds.  It feels REALLY good.  I have to get the hang of what I am going to eat now that I have to pack a lunch and don't always get to eat what I want, when I want. I am determined to be successful.  I heard a wonderful quote last week.  It was, "You can't fail if you don't quit".  That's what I am hanging onto with my weight loss.

Tomorrow, students start back to school.  It feels like yesterday that we just got out for break.  It has indeed been a strange and eventful summer.  It will be a summer that I will never forget.

During the summer of 2012 I learned that God is good and will show his mercy most during tragedy. I learned that I am not in control of what happens in my life, nor do I want to be. I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought and that humanity is kinder than I thought. I learned that material things don't matter and people do. I learned that death means saying goodbye for just a while.  I learned that I better not blink because my children are growing up fast and I want to savor the time I have left with them.  I have learned to forgive myself more and take care of myself.

All in all, it was indeed a great summer.

Tomorrow begins new adventures with my students.  New things to learn and new ways to grow. Bring it on!!!!

Meant to Teach

It has taken me a while to make my brain really believe that I am a teacher.  Teaching is something that I was "meant" to do, not something I was planning on doing.  I NEVER thought, as I was working my tail off in high school for college scholarships, that I would become a teacher.  I wanted to be a nurse.  Actually, I wanted to be a doctor, but I never thought I was smart enough. I have learned differently, but that was then.

When Laura developed epilepsy, she was about to enter kindergarten.  That is where my teaching journey started.  I was afraid to send her to school, but didn't want to shelter her by teaching her at home.  I went to school with her. I volunteered all the time in her class.  Deb Harnly was her teacher and we are still the best of friends. She was awesome and when I grow up, as a teacher, I want to be just like her.  As I volunteered, I began to tutor children and found that I LOVED it.  I also found that I was good at it. 

I hung on to the volunteering.  It continued full force until Becca was in first grade, when I began to substitute teach in District 20. I substitute taught for three years and then I got a job I couldn't refuse.  That was when I was asked to go back to school and become a REAL teacher in District 49.  Stories of that adventure start are in earlier posts.  

Yesterday, I started back to work with a huge pep rally for all D20 staff at Pine Creek High School and then an all day SPED training.  The pep rally is something that I usually dread, but it was so good to see friends from all over.  I saw some of my daVinci colleagues that I haven't seen in a really long time.

As I sat in the rally, starting my fifth year of REAL teaching, I felt like a teacher. I have hung on to my nursing license and I use it from time to time, but I know that REALLY, I am a teacher and I truly love it. 

Old Friends

Here is a big shout out to Janice and Jim on the birth of their son, Lowell.  This is one special baby. Janice and Jim waited a long time for the baby that was right for them to adopt.  After many disappointments, they got their firecracker on July 4th. This baby is so blessed to have Janice and Jim as parents.

I had a wonderful phone call with Janice last night.  She and I have been friends since the seventh grade.  That has been over 30 years.  She is the one person in this world who has been with me through it all.  Those crazy teenage years.  She kept telling me the fellow I dated all through high school was not the guy for me, but I chose not to listen.  She was my violin partner through orchestra contests. She was the person I could share my deepest secrets.  We stayed in touch during college.  She became Dr. Jan, I became a nurse. When I got married, she was my maid of honor.  When she got married, I was her matron of honor.  When I had my children, she was one of the first people I told. She was with me through Laura having epilepsy and then outgrowing it. We both have lost our fathers in the last few years. Now we will be able to share parenting stories.

We don't often get to talk, but when we do, it's just the same.  We catch up and enjoy each other, just as we did way back when.  When I talk to her, I am young again.  Who needs a Fountain of Youth, when you have great friends who are always there to lift you up?

Congratulations Janice!  Call me soon.

Rest in Peace

Granny was laid to rest today.  My body wasn't there, but my mind and heart sure were.  I am so happy for her, but selfishly sad that I can't talk with her.  She was such a wise woman.  She often spoke her mind, whether it was appropriate or not.  She hurt my feelings from time to time, but I loved her and I know I am a better person because she was in my life.  I saw pictures of her service today, including the open casket part. She didn't look like herself.  Her skin was too made up and dark.  She wore a yellow gown that she had picked out for herself.  Aunt Shirleen found her burial clothes in a box, labeled, in her closet, when she went to look for something for Granny to be buried in. Granny knew her time was near.  I suppose you must when you are 97 years old. I missed seeing Ricky and his family as well as Brock and his family.  I haven't seen them in years and now I know that I may never see them again. During the time of her funeral, I worked out in my yard.  She would have wanted me to.  For dinner tonight, I made black eyed peas in her honor. They tasted wonderful as she taught me well.

I went up to school today and got my desk organized. Tomorrow I have a day long class on how to teach students to write.  It shall be interesting I am sure.  Friday is my first full day of work.  I am looking forward to a normal routine and getting on with life.  It's been an interesting summer, filled with two deaths, a tragic fire and a mission's trip to Joplin.  I have learned to appreciate all that I have. I have learned to appreciate my family and cherish each and every day I have with them. I have learned that I am stronger and smarter than I ever thought I was.

Here's to next summer being a little less eventful.

Granny

Yesterday, at 9:15 EDT, Granny's chariot came and took her home.  I will miss her, but I am so relieved that she is no longer suffering and is finally reunited with her family.  I wondered if she recognized her mother that she lost when she was ten.  I wondered if Daddy, Pop and Aunt Margaret were there, eagerly waiting for her. I can only imagine what she thought when she was in the presence of our Savior.

I have decided not to go to the funeral in Florida.  I have struggled with this and I have to say, I am still not totally comfortable with my decision.  I have to take a class on Tuesday and my first full day of work, for the new school year, is Friday.  I just feel that I can't afford to go and I need to be at school.  I have prayed about this for two weeks and now I have to trust that I made the right decision. 

Granny and I said goodbye a couple of weeks ago.  I truly thought she would not be with us when I got back home from Joplin. I told her that I loved her. I called her a couple of weeks before that.  Her last words to me were "I love you Shari".  What more could I ask for? What more needs to be said?

When I think of Granny, I think of one word: strong.  She was indeed a very strong woman.  I think of her as she push-mowed her humongous yard, made biscuits and bacon every morning for my grandpa, always had a garden, kept an immaculate house and yard, canned vegetables, and cleaned fish. She survived two husbands and, within the last year, she lost two of her three children.  I hope you rest now, Granny.

Granny (Polly Mary Lot Day Forbes) was from Douglas, Georgia.  Her family has been in Georgia since the 1700s.  I joke with folks when I tell them that I am as southern as "Paula Deen".  She lost her mother when she was ten.  Her dad remarried and she was raised on a hard working farm with a "step" mom.  I don't know what kind of relationship she had with their stepmother.  She never really talked about it.  I think her father was apt to drink too much.  She never talked very positively about her childhood.  She did tell me one time that of all the inventions that have occurred in her lifetime, the telephone was the one she has enjoyed and appreciated the most.  She never learned to drive.  That's unheard of today. She tried once, didn't do so well, so she decided that driving was not for her.  I remember walking to Goodwill with her.  Yes, folks, she started my obsession with Goodwill from a very early age. She taught me to take care of the things I have.  She taught me to value every dollar I have.  She told me that, during the depression, she had to eat green sweet potatoes out of the garden because that is all they had to eat.

At some point, I am thinking around 16 years old or so, she moved to Haines City, Florida and worked in a citrus packing house.  There, she met my grandpa.  Her sisters, Aunt Beatrice, Aunt Fanny, and Aunt Edith all came with her.  Aunt Rose, Aunt Ardele (only child left now), and Uncle Shel all stayed in Georgia.  It was a family joke that at one point, she actually dated Uncle Jack, who Aunt Bea eventually married.  Pop and Granny moved to Tampa after Pop got a job at the shipyards.  There, Aunt Shirlean was born.  Pop got a job with "the county" and they moved back to Haines City.  They bought some property on Lake Tracy.  There Pop built their house, they raised three kids and Granny lived until six months ago.  Her children included Aunt Shirlean, Aunt Margaret and my dad, Danny. She survived the shenanigans of Aunt Margaret (yes, she went on a date and came home married) and she sent my dad off to the Vietnam War. Oh, the changes that house has seen over the last 70 years or so. 

She worked in the local school cafeteria until she retired.  She always said that she worked there so that she could keep my dad in school.  The story goes that he would often leave school and walk home as he didn't like to stay. 

After retirement, she devoted her life to Pop, her family and her home.  She often watched her grandchildren, including me, for a couple weeks at the time. Her grandchildren include me, Tammie, Daniel, Jennifer, Richard, Robert and Brock.  She is survived by great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. Pop died in 1992 after over 50 years of marriage.

At the age of 85, she married Al Forbes.  She loved him.  They were married for a few years, until he passed away.  When you marry at 85, it's hard to plan for a long life together.  I can say that the few years she spent with Al were happy ones.  She loved traveling with him and visiting the local amusement parks.  She had never done these things until this time.  I think Al showed her a part of the world she had never seen. I am so happy that she was able to be in a relationship that filled her heart so much.

I called her every two weeks, for years.  Her mental abilities began to fade this last year, but until this time, she remained sharp as a tack.  I can only hope that I am so lucky.

I will miss her. I will cry over memories I have of her.  In my heart I will celebrate her and cherish the bits of her I see in myself.  I can only hope that I can be "strong", just like her.

Birthday Fun

We had an awesome time last night.  We celebrated the birthdays by our whole family going to Tucano's Brazilian BBQ Restaurant.  Basically, it was a phenomenal salad bar complete with the normal greens as well as pasta salads, wonderful breads, and a hot food section.  The lobster bisque was yummy as well as the crab mango sushi.  We had mashed potatoes and Becca enjoyed the beans and rice.  That was the accompaniment to the main deal which was the meat.  All sorts of steak, pork, chicken, turkey and fish are roasted on a gigantic skewer.  This skewer is then brought to each table and cut according to what you want. It is unlimited eating at its best.  This summer, I have lost over 15 pounds and I am sure I gained a portion back last night. 

We came home, Tom and Laura opened their gifts and we enjoyed watching the Olympics.  We had recorded the Olympics from the night before so we got to watch the Women's Gymnastics Team win the gold. After we recovered from dinner, we at the Tiramisu Becca and I had made earlier in the day.  Tom got a birthday phone call from his brother and his bride. We enjoyed catching up with them. All in all it was a delightful evening.

Today will bring grocery shopping and preparation for Laura's big party tomorrow.  I may need school to start so that I can start back to work in order to rest.

BIrthday's squared

Every year I am amazed that I was able to give birth to Laura on Tom's birthday.  After 36 hours of labor, I definitely did not plan her as a gift on his special day, but a gift she was and is. 

Today, Laura celebrates her 16th birthday.  In a couple of weeks, she will start driving the car on her own.  She is now able to go on a date and she is about to start her junior year of high school.  Every mother says, "where has the time gone?", but I truly wonder where it went.  Lately, Laura and I have had quite a few disagreements.  Most of the disagreeing is due to the fact that we think so much alike.  She is so independent and I know this will serve her well.  She wants to prove to herself that she can do things on her own and I want so much for her to need me just a little longer.  The two thoughts don't always work together.  No matter, I love my daughter and I am so proud of the woman she has become.  I don't want to let her go and yet, I know I must.  My thoughts turn to the little birds nest on our porch.  I KNOW how sad and proud that momma bird is as those little ones fly the nest. I also know that she gives them a chance to fly, under her watch, before she leaves them on their own.  That is how I feel now.  Laura needs to fly, but you can bet I am in the background cheering her on and making sure she doesn't fly too far, just yet.

Here is a birthday shout out to my beloved too.  Tom is my rock and the very foundation on which I live.  God knew exactly who I needed to get me through this life, when he gave me Tom Russell.  As we head into this new time in our lives, when our children are both teenagers, thank goodness we have each other to lean on.