Fear of Success

Today my thoughts are turned toward an opportunity I have been handed. I will be starting an orchestra "club" at Laura's school. It sounded like a great idea, as there is no opportunity for kids in our district to study strings in the middle schools. I called myself "stepping up to the plate". When I told the director of the Youth Symphony that I would not be teaching for them this year, this is what he said about my middle school idea "it will be so small it won't be worth your time, or it will be so large, you won't be able to handle it". These thoughts keep running through my head and clogging my brain with self doubt.

Everyone else has encouraged me and told me that it is a great idea. I feel like I am filling a void, in a very small way. My goal is to start a spark so that strings might be a part of the district middle school curriculum, someday. Yesterday, at lunch, I had an opportunity to speak with someone who knows the director of the high school orchestra that this middle school feeds into. He is excited and spoke about the club in a parent's meeting. He doesn't even know who I am. I am nervous about being good enough. I keep saying "I am not a teacher", God keeps saying "Yes, you are". Please pray for me. I meet with the middle school Vice Principal tomorrow morning to iron out the details. Here we go on yet another God-driven adventure. I am gonna hang on to my seat and do the best job I possibly can.

I love quotes and this is one I found, just this morning. Merle Shain says:
"The conflict between what one is and who one is expected to be touches all of us. And sometimes, rather than reach for what one could be, we choose the comfort of the failed role, preferring to be the victim of circumstance, the person who didn't have a chance."

I know I have been given a chance, so here we go.