Japan

Last May, I was sitting in a meeting (surprise, surprise), actually a secret meeting, the meeting where most parents would like to be a fly on the wall.  We were placing students into their classes for next year.  I got pulled out unexpectedly for a phone call from Tom.  My heart stopped for a moment as I feared the worst.  I picked up the phone and Tom was excited to tell me that Laura had an opportunity to go to Japan, with all expenses paid. It turns out that her Asian History teacher received a grant for 10 students from her high school to travel to Japan.  Everyone who was interested put their name in a hat and Laura was chosen. She will be doing a post tsunami study for ten days.

I had such a mixed bag of emotions.  My relationship with Laura the last few years has been rocky at best.  We have been in counseling and that has helped greatly, but I wanted to handle this just right.  I want to tell her how happy I am for her without going overboard.  I wanted this trip to Japan to be a life changing experience for her where she will come home and "love" me.  I wanted to share with her how I felt when I did summer missions back in college.  I wanted to share with her how my life changed when I left home and did work on my own. I was scared that once she experienced a bit of life beyond us, she wouldn't want to come home. I knew that when she came home from this, she would be "different". We are not ready for me to share these things.  Maybe someday, when she has her own stories.

I remember my parents not wanting me to do summer missions.  I dug in my heals and refused to listen.  I remember telling my dad "I am 18 and I can do this if I want!".  Now I know how they felt. I felt like this was a test of truly letting her go. I realized that my baby girl has grown up.  No matter how I want to protect her, no matter how I can see her making mistakes, no matter how much I want to keep her in the shelter of my home, I must let her go.  I know that this is part of her growing and becoming the woman God intends for her life.  Years ago, I gave her to God.  When she had epilepsy and I couldn't protect her from that, I gave her to God.  Now it's time for God to mold her as an adult, away from me. 

I have to embrace and love this new woman.  I know that I must cherish the childhood memories, but look forward towards the future.  I love the phrase "Don't look back, you are not going that way".

Dear Laura, I look back and remember, but I am so proud of you. I love you no matter what you do. I will always be here when you need to come home, be safe, and be reminded that you are loved.